Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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