Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
