I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
