So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
