Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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