drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
