Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
