i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We don't watch enough power rangers
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
