there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want a musical about memes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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