I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
