I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
