Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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