I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
