i permit you to call me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
