I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
