I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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