that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
