I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
