Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
