I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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