it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dear god my vagina.
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