i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
