I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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