stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
