actually, I'm a sock model
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
