Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
