I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
