I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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