Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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