The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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