Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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