sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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