Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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