Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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