rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
