we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
