I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
