Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
