The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
