You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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