Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
