I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
