ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
