i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Drake has all the answers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
