Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dick very happy bro
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
