he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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