Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
