I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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