omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize