Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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