that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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