At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
false alarm, still single
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
