remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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