please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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