Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
