Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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