Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
