I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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