That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize