Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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