im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
