my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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