brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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