even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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