I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
