i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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