She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
