There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
