3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
