My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
