You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
