Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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