i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't deserve a penis
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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