Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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