my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
