My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
