You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
