I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
