im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
